blog.holst.no

    The Lesbiatocracy is a peculiar organization. Formally, the organization doesn't exist. However, in reality, it certainly does. The Lesbiatocracy is a curious blend of the British House of Lords and the Khmer Rouge's "La Massue De L'Angkar."

The Lesbiatocracy shares similarities with the House of Lords in that the organization must approve all proposals before they become law. There is some internal debate within the Lesbiatocracy when new ideas are presented. Initially, it is customary for less influential members of the Lesbiatocracy to express their opinions, both for and against. The period for public debate is very short, usually a week or two. After this time, a high-ranking Lesbiatocrat presents a fatwa determining what is kosher, and the matter is settled once and for all. It is expected that all lower-ranking Lesbiatocrats loyally align themselves with the viewpoint, which is enshrined as part of The Right Doctrine™. In this way, the Lesbiatocracy defines what is considered legal.

However, the Lesbiatocracy also plays a negative role. The organization pronounces judgment on viewpoints or words that are deemed wrong, evil, or taboo. In this aspect, the organization resembles the Khmer Rouge's "La Massue De L'Angkar." Woe betide those who incur the wrath of the Lesbiatocracy! The person is publicly crucified, the question of guilt is definitively settled, and the punishment is lifelong. The only way for the offender to regain some civil standing is by publicly confessing his sin and transgression, acknowledging his inherent evil, expressing gratitude to the Lesbiatocracy for showing him the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and pledging to dedicate his life to the Service of the Good™ (the Lesbiatocracy).

The Lesbiatocracy shares another important characteristic with the British House of Lords and the Khmer Rouge: it is exclusively an upper-class phenomenon. However, the Lesbiatocracy does not recruit from the entire upper class, but specifically from the part of the upper class that does not engage in wealth creation. The Lesbiatocracy faces significant challenges in recruiting from the mercantile bourgeoisie. In families where livelihoods depend on business, trade, production, and commerce, it is rare to observe the younger generation being recruited into the Lesbiatocracy. The Lesbiatocracy primarily recruits from the parasitic segments of the upper class: its ideology is overrepresented among diplomats, aid bureaucrats, journalists, parliamentarians, civil servants, academics, and public employees. The Lesbiatocracy's ideology is overrepresented among all layers of public employees, but it is rare for public employees belonging to the working class to advance in the Lesbiatocracy's hierarchy. The proletariat among public employees is often relegated to a life as lower-ranking Lesbiatocrats.

Thus, the Lesbiatocracy is based on a strictly observed and completely traditional class model, but there are no traces of this class model in the explicit rhetoric of the Lesbiatocracy, quite the opposite. The Lesbiatocracy's ideology is always in the realm between class neutrality and hostility towards the upper classes. Nevertheless, in practice, it is only the upper classes that benefit from or are shielded from the consequences of the Lesbiatocracy's policies. Only the upper classes remain unaffected by tolls, fuel taxes, and tax increases. When the Lesbiatocracy sees the need to reduce car usage, it is always the proletariat who must leave their cars behind. The Lesbiatocracy can impose the harshest taxes and mercilessly remove parking spaces, yet they simultaneously shield parliamentarians who receive annual salary increases and have their own garages. Thus, the policies of the Lesbiatocracy contribute to protecting the classes from which it recruits.

    The Lesbiatocracy is organizationally divided into various branches, including the Climate Lesbiatocracy, the Thought Lesbiatocracy, the Tax Lesbiatocracy, the Immigration Lesbiatocracy, and the NATO Lesbiatocracy.

    The Climate Lesbiatocracy is an apocalyptic sect that, along with the Khmer Vert, strives for Norwegians to sit naked in the forest and eat cold, ethically sourced moss with CO² meters on their noses. Then the Immigration Lesbiatocracy forces us to share the moss with the immigrants. In the future, Norwegians will smuggle private moss. New expressions will emerge, such as "self-moss," "to feather one's own moss," and new offenses, such as carbon cheating, which means removing the CO² meter and sneaking in some breaths outside the count. Books will be banned because cutting trees will be prohibited, and e-readers will be banned because silicon production leaves a too large carbon footprint. Therefore, Norway will revert to a time before written language emerged. We will have a rich tradition of heroic poetry, orally transmitted from generation to generation, and the most controversial epic poems will only be recited when the Lesbiatocracy is not present. The heroic poem "But You'll Never Get My Moss" will become incredibly popular.


Typical members of the Norwegian tribe, sitting in the forest, eating ethically sourced moss, as per directives given to us by the Lesbiatocracy. Artwork generated through runwayml.com.

    The Thought Lesbiatocracy, adorned with green hair, tattoos, and nose rings, ensures that no deviant ideas take root and ensures that we express shame for flying, shame for driving, and shame for moving about at all. It will be illegal to build roads, but there are still tolls for walking and cycling. The acts of movement and purchasing, and expressing opinions beyond praising the Lesbiatocracy are forbidden.

    All our earnings are collected by the Tax Lesbiatocracy as taxes. The tax revenue is redistributed to Mr. Lars Gule, The Mosaic religious community, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and the Agency for Development Cooperation. These in turn ensure that members of the Climate Lesbiatocracy may board private jets to attend the daily occuring climate conferences in Vienna, Zurich, Abu Dhabi, and Rome, where they discuss which icebergs should melt tomorrow.

    Due to the Lesbiatocracy's inherent challenges with traditional reproduction, the NATO Lesbiatocracy oversees recruitment by ensuring that there is always some ongoing war generating refugees, preferably from Sunni-Muslim areas, who are expected to settle in Norway, become lesbians, and eat moss.